Thursday, August 17, 2017


As somebody who knows very little about Brony culture or "My Little Pony", I was happy when I saw a documentary called BRONIES on the shelf at the video store.  I love learning about new stuff and I was hoping for a solid introduction into Bronydom.  Unfortunately, not only does BRONIES: THE EXTREMELY UNEXPECTED ADULT FANS OF MY LITTLE PONY have a horrible name, it's also so one-sided that it comes across more like a recruitment film than a honest documentary.  I like feel-good stories, but I also like documentaries that show all sides of a subject, both good and bad.  And one simple Google Search of "brony clop" will show you that not everything is 20% cooler in the Brony universe.

As a mega-upbeat propaganda piece, B:TEUAFOMLP is a fun watch.  It quickly introduces a few My Little Pony fans from different walks of life and different countries.  One guy talks about how he was attacked at a gas station (in his small town) due to the MLP stickers on his car.  Others talk about some of the MLP-based things they create (merch, a laser show, music).  Another is younger and his father doesn't seem to approve of his son being a Brony.  Another guy has Asperger's and MLP brings him out of his shell.  They all travel to different Bronycons and the rest of the film is just them being happy.  I enjoyed watching these people (and the other con attendees) having a good time, but by the end, the constant positivity started to get old.  Then again, I'm a grumpy fuck.

B:TEUAFOMLP might be the happy happy joy joy version of reality, but it's still an entertaining watch.  On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a 5 then bump it up by 20% to a 6. Brohoof, motherfuckers!

Tuesday, August 15, 2017


MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE is what we, the highly-educated professionals in the movie review biz, call "a stinky piece of motherfucking shit".

A college professor (who specializes in the occult) and his family are attacked at home by four of his students.  His wife and children die during the attack, but the professor stubbornly clings to life.  While drifting in and out of consciousness in the hospital, he summons an ancient vengeance demon called "Morak The Avenger" to get revenge on the men who murdered his family.  That sounds like an interesting idea, but unfortunately the story is told with excitement of "The Chevy Chase Show", the acting skills of an infomercial and nearly zero violence.  

Also, there wasn't any meat cleavers...ever!  That doesn't even make sense!  With a title like MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE (or HOLLYWOOD MEAT CLEAVER MASSACRE as it says on my copy) you would, understandably, expect some meat cleaver action, but you would be disappointed.  And disappointed I was.  Not just in the lack of meat cleaver murders, but the fact the film was really slow and had zero payoff.  The most interesting thing about MM is the completely out of place Christopher Lee scenes.  Lee bookends the film with two short clips (one at the beginning and one at the end) where all he does is sit in a 70's-looking office and spout off weird stuff about the supernatural.  It is entertaining, but it has nothing to do with the film.

Slow pace, one topless scene, a quick glimpse of Sunset Blvd ("The Rocky Horror Picture Show" was playing at The Roxy Theatre), boring dream scenes, terrible lighting, forgettable ending.

As it often is with these low-budget and relatively obscure films, I'm way more interested in the story behind the camera than the boring one onscreen.  With MEATCLEAVER MASSACRE there's rumors that Ed Wood himself had something to do with the making of it!  I don't have an opinion on this, but it is humorous to think about.  It still doesn't make it worth watching.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017


NYC banking executive Peter Weller's family goes on vacation without him.  Why he even has a family, since they serve no purpose to the story, I don't know, but anyway, they go on vacation while he stays behind to focus on a project for work.  Things go well for about one day, then (kinda like Catherine Deneuve in REPULSION) he starts hearing odd noises and seeing stuff.  Is it real or is it his imagination?  Could it be a ghost, a wookalar or maybe...a giant rat!?

Real rat or not, Peter goes so completely bonkers looking for this thing that it doesn't even make sense!  Broken water pipes, holes in the walls and ceiling, wrecked furniture...he'd almost be better off letting the rat live!  Or even better yet: act like a normal human being, hire an exterminator, tell your employer you're going to be out for a few days to deal with an urgent rodent problem and that's that.  Instead, he half-ass tries to get an exterminator (and fails) then loses his mind fighting the rat himself.  People at work, (rightfully?) believe that he's cracked under the pressure of the project and maybe he has.  The story is so illogical that, by the end of the film, I was seriously doubting the rat even existed.

OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN is best looked at as a dark comedy.  My favorite part of the movie was Peter's kid.  He's such an obnoxious fuck that during a dream sequence, he's still a little shit!

Double-feature with MOUSEHUNT.